Woulda, shoulda, coulda..

[sabrinageek]

I almost came out to my parents. Almost.

*sigh*

Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend a couple of days with them (We were pursuing a new-used Minivan for me, the deal fell through when the seller couldn't find the title.) Anyways.. one afternoon, as chance had it, the tv was tuned to A&E which was showing a documentary on Matthew Shephard..

The "Gay Panic" defense was brought up, and that opened up discussion about Gays & Lesbians.. I brought up the similarity to the "Trans Panic" defense.. and that, combined with some other recent developments.. he recently noticed that I'd shaved my chest, I goofed up and left a search window in google up on his computer for "Lady's Artisan Apron" (the Steampunk Apron I made for MFF) and he mentioned that he'd seen that I was searching for "Artisan Apron" online to me (conspicuously NOT mentioning "Lady's." ) so subtly, I'm fairly certain that my dad at least SUSPECTS something. Both mom and dad new I crossdressed in college.. so it probably doesn't take a great genius to figure things out, and they're just as observant people as I am, if not more. My dad started talking about how he's okay with gays & lesbians, and him and mom started talking about that.. and I was sooooo close. There was a split-second moment where I could've just come right out and said it. And then we had to leave to go try and buy my new van and it passed.

So close, and yet so far. I should've just done it. And then it'd be over with. I don't know how mom would've taken it, but at least there wouldn't be hiding anymore. No more sword hanging over my head. Although, with as close as this situation was, I have a sneaky feeling that somehow, it's gonna come out soon, without my help. I can just sort of feel it in the air. I got a bad feeling about this. (tm)

Ahh well.. take it as it comes.

-Sabrina

Comments

[themaskmaker.livejournal.com]

Yes, honey. Just do it. You need to breathe free air again.

[crimmycat.livejournal.com]

It will come as it comes - and I've no doubt that your parents are wise at the least to the possibility. When it does come, I know that no matter what, they're your parents and they still love you. (Hell, how close do you think they were to saying that they know you're different - even if they're not sure or mistaken on the flavor - but they love you anyway at that moment?)